stretched thin

I am starting to sense that this will be a recurring them on this little blog of mine - the overwhelming sense that comes with being stretched so thinly and overwhelmed.
I am proud that I am a working mom. When I hear about "working mom's guilt" - I cannot believe that any mother would feel guilty over doing something as selfless as doing whatever it takes to help her family. But, working full time and being a mom full time (seriously - all mom's are full time moms. When I hear someone refer to themselves as a "full time mom" when what they mean is a "stay at home mom", I get.... agitated, needless to say. No one takes time off being a mom to do whatever else they do...) and a wife full time and keeping a house full time does take its toll, and I've definitely felt the pull in the last week. I'm exhausted, and I'm frustrated, and I'm sad at this moment because Ellie is sick, and I have had it with feeling so helpless.

She's had a cough the last couple of weeks and it's sounded kind of barky. I figured it was croup, despite lasting almost two weeks now. Last Wednesday she started getting obviously in some pain (arching her back, thrashing her head side to side, not sleeping flat, not wanting to sleep anywhere but in our arms). Friday we called the pediatrician, and the doc on call said that it sounds like she has reflux, and croup. She explained reflux can be made worse with croup, and gave us some Zantac and we left.

Friday Ellie slept well. Saturday she did okay, but by Saturday night the croup sounded worse, and she'd started having stridor (high pitched wheezy sound) on occasion. No sleep Saturday night, and by Sunday she had a fever of 101.8 and much more stridor. We were directed to urgent care by the pedi on call, and there they gave us some steroids for the stridor, but said nothing about the back arching, crying pain that we'd seen over the last couple of days.

Sweet urgent care patient

Yesterday she had a good day, but with diarrhea. Last night, she didn't sleep well at all and when I realized she was burning up in the middle of the night, I took her temp at it was 104.5. Not okay with me, so off to the ER we went, where they gave us tylenol for the fever, another dosage of steroids for the stridor (which was almost non existant at this point) and sent us home. Today, she's slept off and on all day, and when she isn't sleeping she is crying and screaming uncontrollably in pain.

one of two admit bracelets we've received in the last three days

Something just doesn't feel right to me. I hate seeing her in pain, and I'm questioning the reflux diagnosis. She's been out of sorts for two weeks now, so I'm waiting for the pedi to call us back - again - so we can demand to be seen by her pedi, not the doc on call, and not be told over the phone that Ellie is okay.

And in between all of that, I'm feeling like crap about not being at work or checking emails all day, lame for not doing anything around the house, let alone taking a shower or washing my face, and like I have a pile of laundry with at least three pairs of really disgusting baby pj's covered in the results of all her blow outs (oh yeah, we're out of clean jammies, so I really do need to get on that) and just stretched thinly. Did I mention I haven't slept in a week or so?

Needless to say. Trying to stay positive and to choose my attitude. Trying hard, made slightly easier by knowing that our girl is probably the cutest little  patient they've seen in the walls of Children's Hospital Urgent Care Clinic. :) And still, counting my blessings for a healthy baby (yes, healthy, despite the fact that his whole post has been complaining about my sick baby. Being at Children's, even just the urgent care, reminds me how much worse it could be), a wonderful husband, a home I love, two jobs between the two of us, and family and friends who love us.