18 weeks

Here we are at 18 weeks, and I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to get fat. Not pregnant fat, but fat fat, because apparently, that's what my body does when it tries to grow babies. Luckily, it has *so far* done it's job with the baby growing, so I really can't complain about the fat (although, I hear that it's a lot harder to lose the second time around. Oh well). Last time I outweighed by 6 foot tall husband by probably 20 lbs by the time delivery came; hopefully I can keep that number down by at least 10 lbs this time around. :)

Other notable things of late: 

-I seem to get all the non-scary (I suppose the word "scary" is debatable) side effects and symptoms. Meaning, nothing that seems to be life threatening to myself or this baby, but certainly pain-in-the-rear symptoms. Including: varicose veins which rival my father's (and by that I mean all up and down my leg and snakelike), extended vomiting (well past that lovely 12 week mark when it's "supposed" to go away... I count it a blessing that it's only a couple times a week now), restless legs, headaches, heartburn, massive amounts of fatigue, stretch marks, etc. 

-I'm not the kind of pregnant lady that dresses cute. I wear my husband's pajama pants, sweatshirts and tshirts around the house, and my outside wardrobe consists of leggings and some top which hopefully a) covers my rear and b) is weather appropriate. I suppose if I was working this might be different, but being home with an active kid coupled with my extreme laziness fatigue, and well, I just don't care.

-I also don't care about things that normal mom's-to-be seem to be focused on. I'm not sure if this speaks to being level-headed, or lazy, or not being "mom enough" but things like: decorating the nursery, following the "rules" when it comes to food/drink, genetic testing, etc just doesn't interest me. I'll prepare for this baby in my own way: wash the onesies and receiving blankets, clean and install the carseat, figure out the diaper situation and prepare for that, and line up a sitter for Ellie for delivery day. In the meantime, I'll eat whatever I want, enjoy a small glass of wine here and there, and eschew blood tests and ultrasounds in lieu of trying to relax. I'm wondering if this kind of nonchalant attitude is a result of being detached from the pregnancy and is indicative of a greater problem, or is just a result of being a second time mom (although - I didn't do a whole lot more than this the first time around). 

-There have been a lot of facebook announcements about new babies lately. While I may feel detached from this pregnancy, I am SO, SO excited for the big day. Can't wait.

-I had my first real emotional breakdown the other day. The tears came and could not be stopped, no matter how hard I tried. For HOURS. While the situation which triggered the tears was real and valid, the ongoing nature of the tears was obviously hormonal in nature. What a trip to experience that kind of emotional outpouring. I'm not sure I've ever had that experience, and I could go a long, long time without experiencing it again. Being completely out of control of my emotions is new to me.

-I'm pretty sure I finally weaned El. She wasn't getting much, if anything, and was only nursing once or twice a day, and I was finally ready. While I didn't meet my ultimate goal of letting her self-wean, I'm completely at peace with how it played out. She's asked to nurse a couple times over the last five days or so, and I let her, but then she's not interested (probably because she isn't getting any milk). It gives me comfort feeling the peace with this decision - my fear was that we'd wean and I'd end up regretting it shortly after, and luckily I've had no regrets yet. 

-I'm huge. HUGE! I'll take a picture this weekend when I'm all dressed up for our annual Christmas party, but man, do I look well into my third trimester.

That's it for the updates. :) Trying to be better about documenting this pregnancy!