Sessions with Sweetie: Where We've Been, or Why This Baby Was Predestined For Something

Let's back up about nine months or so. Early last summer, my husband started getting an inkling that things were about to change at his work. Things felt...different, more stressed, more urgent, etc. Around this time, we also started talking about when would hypothetically be a good time to have a second baby, what our ideal spacing would be, etc.

I've mentioned this before, but will say it again - I don't feel like we have a whole lot of say in the matter of how and when to reproduce. Yes, in a way this goes for any couple, but we have some pretty significant fertility factors which make reproduction an uphill battle. When staring down the path of the idea of having a second kid, I figured we'd be looking at a year or so of "trying" followed by probable medical intervention. In my mind, Eleanor is a complete and total Hail Mary miracle, and what's more likely is that we build our family through reproductive assistance.

So, assuming we've got a year or so to kind of nonchalantly "try" to get pregnant before we'd succeed, we figured we'd wait until the work situation calmed down and then make a decision. That was August. Several weeks into the month, we hear that a)yes, there's a reorganization coming and b) Peter's job is safe. Breathe sigh of relief. Check the calendar. Oooh - look at that.... it's babymaking fertile time. Also - if we were to succeed (ha), the baby and Ellie would be two years apart (the minimum I'd prefer to space the kids out). So, we decide to go ahead and start, figuring we'd probably end up with kids in the 2 1/2-3 1/2 year age gap range.

Fast forward 8 days. On an easy bike ride, I feel like I'm running a marathon. So exhausted. Next day, I sleep for 10 hours, take a 3 hour nap and am so tired I tell Peter I feel like I've been up all night on a drinking bender. Or I'm pregnant. Haha. Next morning, after Peter goes to work, I take a test, assuming it will be negative (like all the other tests I've taken over the last three days. Because I'm neurotic) but in the very back of my mind, kind of just knowing it won't be. And there it is - that second line. And just like that, we're a family of four.

So here's why this baby is predestined, and a lead up to where we are now. A couple weeks later (maybe less), and we learn that the job security we thought we had, we don't have. Long story short (and, of course, internet friendly), the re-organization details shifted, and P's job is in fact on the chopping block. I'm 6 weeks pregnant, and we're told that the company will give a couple months to help find a new position, and severance. Luckily for us, the couple months was extended but, every month or less we go through the stress (the word stress does not do nearly enough to capture the tension. It is HIGH) of wondering if the job will be extended. It ends up being extended til the end of January. So now? Yeah, now we're looking at the silver lining of the situation. I have a husband home to help with everything, from caring for the kid, to helping around the house, to working on those projects which have been on the back burner for a couple years.

Through all of this, I found myself trying to keep calm and carry on, as much as humanly possible. I have a daughter who depends on a sense of peace in the home, not to mention - who wants to live like there is a Sword of Damocles hanging over their head all the time? Plus, I'm carrying this life, this baby who would not be joining our family had the circumstances been different. If we'd not conceived that first go round, we wouldn't have kept trying in the midst of the job stress, and certainly wouldn't be trying now. It would be many, many more months, at the very least, and a different combo of egg and sperm would meet when the time was right. Instead, it's this baby - conceived through what must be a total miracle, on the very first try, in a tiny window of calm in the storm, and carried through one of the most stressful periods of my life. I don't believe that "everything happens for a reason", so I don't say this lightly, but he (or she) is meant to be. I'm so excited to find out why, to find out who this person is, and what they'll become. 12 weeks and counting...

And where we we now? We've been really enjoying the last couple of weeks as a family. Adjusting to more together time than we've had in a while, going on weekend trips to the family cabin, watching Ellie grow and change daily and breathing some cleansing breaths while we wait for the next chapter in our lives.

Also, Peter tells me I haven't posted any pictures in far too long. Let's rectify.