I've read blogs where mamas go on and on at each milestone, and for most of those mama's, the six month mark is one such milestone. I am typically not one to be so sentimental, but today has caught me off guard. I take a deep breath in and brace myself for the realization that she is growing up before our very eyes, and every day that passes she becomes less a baby and more a little person - her own thoughts, feelings and personality. I'm still having a hard time with the realization that she is no longer inside of me - let alone such a sweet little girl. I revisit her birthday every single day in my memory - it is the memory I cherish more deeply than any other, such a profoundly defining day.
So, here goes, sharing my thoughts for the world to see, in the form of a letter to my darling girl.
To my sweet Eleanor Carolyn, our little babykins,
It's not such a big deal in the scope of the world; it's just another day. Today my girl - you are six months old! I cannot put into words the impression the last six months have left on me, so I won't even try. I cannot begin to articulate your daddy's feelings on this day either. All I can tell you is that it is my deepest desire that you grow up and have a baby girl of your own someday. Maybe then you'll begin to understand the depth of my emotion and love for you - but just maybe, because I wonder if there was ever a mama who loved their girl as much as I love you.
|three months young|
You have lost your enthusiam for eating; I'm pretty sure it's because you are so easily distracted. You drink your milk-milk bottles during the day and I nurse you when I'm home and you sort of half willingly comply. Sometimes I give you rice cereal or butternut squash or bananas, but you haven't been so into real food, despite your fascination with whatever we eat. We went out to dinner the other night with some friends from the lake and let you play with some rice. A couple grains ended up in your mouth, but mostly that sticky rice stuck to your hands, clothes and hair. You've never been cuter though than you were that night at the restaurant. Sitting at the table with all the other girls, spitting bubbles and eating your rice. You used to spit bubbles all the time, then forgot you knew how, and then remembered again last week. You've been a spitting machine ever since! You love to play alone and do so well at it - we can leave you for almost 45 minutes sometimes in your exersaucer before you holler to be let out!
No teeth yet Ellie, but I gave you your first official bang-trim. Your side-part 'do was getting more and more uneven by the day and so long that I cut you bangs. Didn't do such a great job, but you look so cute with your new style!
We had a rough month last month. You were sick and had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night for a fever and croup. I was so sad for you; you were so very tired but so uncomfortable that you were moaning in your sleep. My little girl - I would honestly do anything for you. It breaks my heart apart to see you sad or sick or uncomfortable or lonely. We struggle with trying to teach you independance while wanting to take care of everything for you. We're still learning, you and I and dad-dad.
|rocking the bangs, munching on some rice|
And the rest of your family, Miss Eleanor, cannot get enough of you. Grandma Carol takes care of you twice a week but sees you much more often than that. She misses you if she goes more than two days without seeing you! GrandStan adores you and tells me that your smile melts his heart. He can't wait to take you skiing and teach you things. Gramma Deb buys you the most fashionable outfits (I think she's waited for a baby girl to spoil for years!). Your Graddaddy (and Cindy!) loves you too, of course, and your Gramma Lyn and George miss you very much. You'll meet Grandpop and Susan over Christmas, which just about rounds out your collection of grandparents! Not to mention your aunties and uncles! Auntie Jordan lives in Portland but tries to visit you as often as she can, and you get to see Gabey several times a week. She's WAY into you! You have so many people who adore you in your family - I hope you always remember that, even when you feel alone in life.
My sweet girl, always know that your mama loves you more than you can imagine. Always remember that we are so thankful that you came into our family. Ellie, you have changed me. I've never believed in soulmates before, but I do now; you are mine. When you were put into my arms six months ago, I felt a weight lifted I didn't even know I carried. My soul was searching for completion and you fit the empty space in my heart I didn't know existed. My purpose in life was to be your mama, I will never doubt that that is the reason I am here. You can do great things my girl. You might go the moon someday, or be the president, or a nobel prize winning scientist. Even if you don't do these things, whatever you do will be enough for daddy and I. We will do our best to shield you from the world for as long as we can; we will raise you in a happy home where you know you are loved and we will always have our arms open ready to hold you.
|one week young|
|two months young|
|six months young!|