Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Peacefull Stillness

My house is empty (me, kitty and dog) and quiet (except the washer and dryer). I am working from home today (which allows blogging flexibility!) and E is with my mom. On the one hand, I wish I was with them. On the other hand, I am glad for this break.

I have always hated hearing moms talk about how they need breaks. But today, this mom feels like I need and deserve a break.

I feel bad for allowing myself to think like that. I KNOW how lucky I/we are. We have family three minutes (15 minutes actually) away who are always available to help us out and who do. We have friends who continue to go out of their ways to do nice things like bring us dinners sometimes. Even if we didn't have this personal kind of help - we have everything we need and so much more that when I feel overwhelmed, I also feel guilty for the many luxuries we have which so many do not. Not only that, but we have each other and we have our wonderful, miracle girl who we adore so completely and feel so completely lucky to have.

That being said though, some days the burden of responsibility feels very heavy, and today is one of those days. Perhaps this is just my crazy hormones talking (which I blame for the total meltdown I had the other night after dropping a bowl of corn chowder ALL over the floor), but sometimes I wish I could hide from the reality of the world. There is a mountain of stuff I need to tackle, and when one thing is crossed off my list, it is immediately replaced by another. It's ongoing. This is nothing unique to me - I realize that - but it is certainly draining. I hate feeling like this.

My girl is almost six months old - SIX months! In just a few days, we will be as close to celebrating her first birthday as we were to celebrating her birth. Peter and I are having to face the scary reality that soon we will be parents of something which is mobile. Oh boy - that thought intimidates the heck out of me. Here's my train of thought on that: Mobility = babyproofing = more chores = running around after a baby all day = possible weight loss?? = maybe not such a bad thing = very exhausting. She's pushing herself up on all fours now and rocking back and forth to reach for toys placed in front of her. Watching her accomplish this is endlessly fascinating and makes me so proud of my darling girl. She's growing leaps and bounds every day (this week especially as I'm pretty sure we had a nice little growth spurt) and I know if I am this proud of her for reaching for a toy, the pride I feel when she continues to grow up will be incredible. Despite the responsibility and exhaustion, this is so, so worth it.

What else? I have real work to do today (which I AM getting done!) and if I didn't have real work to get done, I'd have a ton of things to pick up off the ground, some bathrooms to clean, dishes to do, etc. What did I do with my "lunch time"? Made cookies. And then ate my weight in cookie dough. SO good.... (remember that post about being accountable to finishing the weight loss?? oops...)

Signing off for the rest of the day. Changing my attitidue. The sky is blue and the sun is pale yellow and all the leaves are orange and it is the season of Thanksgiving. :)


  1. Can't wait to see you and that darling little girl of yours tomorrow! ~K

  2. Thank you for everything you do for our little family. You are my Sweetness and Light!