Friday, June 21, 2013

Two Months of Dash

We're so lucky to have baby Dash. Like, really, truly lucky. He is the sweetest, easiest baby, and he's officially 2 months old! (I think this is when we can stop counting in weeks, right?) :)

At 2 months, we're still only just seeing bits and pieces of his personality. He's a sleepy little big guy, still sleeping away a lot of the day. He gives us a couple hours of awake time in the morning, which is a surprising length of time for such a little guy to stay awake, and then another couple hours in the late afternoon, but the majority of the day he snoozes off and on. His nights are pretty consistent too - he'll usually wake every 4 hours or so. Last week he gave me a stretch from midnight to 6am, and how wonderful that was!

Yes, he likes to sleep on his belly best, and I tend to let him during the day. At night, he does best next to me in bed, and so that's happening also. I don't love it (I'd sleep better with him out of the bed, and I miss my husband who always gets kicked out by his little boy), but I do love waking up next to him. I think we had some attachment and bonding to make up for, and cosleeping is a good way to do that.

When he's awake, he's so alert. He's content to simply lie on his back and look around for long periods of time. He's comfortable being held by anyone, but seems to be able to detect if the person holding him is comfortable or not. He has an incredibly strong neck - rolled over for the first time a couple weeks ago, and has done it several times since then, just to prove it wasn't a fluke. He'll bear weight on his legs if you hold him upright - I'm guessing he'll be a strong little kid just like his sister.
She adores him.
He quickly moves from content to unhappy though. If I wait a moment too long to feed him, if he's naked and the least bit chilly, if he's in his bath when he doesn't want to be, etc. He's amazingly tolerant of Ellie "loving" on him, but when she pokes him too hard, he'll let his unhappiness be known.

Dash is huge. At his pediatrician appointment today, he clocked in at 13 lbs 7 oz - a total gain of 7 pounds since birth, and at the 85th percentile. Considering he was born 5 weeks early, this is pretty incredible.He's almost out of his three month clothes but swimming in his six month ones, and I'm incredibly proud of his rolly-polly thighs.
And rolly-polly cheeks!

His favorite things include nursing and... nursing. His least favorite things include bathtime, being hot in the car and being hungry. And, as of this week I can also say his newly crowned least favorite thing is vaccinations. Boy, did he squeal, and has been very fussy, sad and drowsy ever since. I love knowing he's getting protected, but don't like seeing him so uncomfortable. A small price to pay, of course.


I'll be totally honest here. Forming a deep attachment to sweet Dash really seemed to take it's precious time. I've heard this before from second time mothers, which I really appreciated. Knowing that others felt like this made me confident that what I was feeling (or wasn't) was normal, and that a deeper attachment would come. It's hard to explain: from the moment he was born I loved him like crazy and would have cut off my right arm to keep him healthy. I would have done anything for him, and I certainly don't believe that how I cared for him and met his needs was in any way lacking. But, the deep attachment that came so suddenly with Ellie just wasn't there. And on top of that, we were separated for what felt like so long, and when I could hold him it was in a very clinical way, and we couldn't nurse like normal mother/child duos do off the bat. So, there was a bit to make up for. Plus, once we brought him home, my attention was always divided, so there wasn't the blissful baby honeymoon that you get with a first child. And I'll be even more honest here - before he was born, I was afraid I couldn't love a) a second baby as much, but more significantly b) a baby boy as much. I really was afraid that we'd have a boy, and our relationship would be different and compromised. I never wanted boys, I never imagined myself to a mom of boys. I saw myself with a flock of girls, and I was just fine with that. 

BUT. Oh, but there is a but. We've attached. We've bonded. It's taken a while, and it was the result (I think) of long hours spent with me going through the routine of meeting his needs, holding him, nursing him, wearing him, sleeping with him, making eye contact whenever possible. We've imprinted on each other. And I am so, so in love with this little boy. It was him all along. He was the one who was sent from the universe, or God, or whatever to fill my heart. He was the one who was waiting to join our family. I was the one lined up to be his mother, and I am so incredibly grateful that we were brought together in a moment of serendipity. He is my beautiful, perfect and glorious son, and I am his mama, and I am so glad.

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